Friday, April 15, 2011

Pedestrians... You DO NOT have the right of way...

The Department of Transportation and Corp of Engineers have designed most of the in town stop lights and traffic signals to be conveniently located for your viewing pleasure.

Therefore, I have deduced the following problems and solutions to the list of observations I have come in contact with over the last few years that I am “sure” you have noticed too.

The white line at a traffic stop is a mandatory eighteen inches wide, don't fucking act like you don't see it. Stopping four car lengths behind the white line is pissing me off. I can't necessarily speak for everyone else, but I can't be the only one in the herd wondering why you feel the need to stop that far back and then stair blankly into space like a retarded child into a pin wheel toy.  I can think of 1 good reason that I'll explain in a moment, but for right now...

Whether your car is $60K or a third time duct taped over 'hoopty', pull up to the fucking line. You're not bullshitting anyone into thinking you're getting a running start once the light goes green. Nor is the bullshit excuse that you can't see the signal going to float either. The actual light is located completely across the street: approximately 12 feet on an upright poles and 20 feet on an over head.

So... if you're complaining that you can't see the traffic lights due to an obstruction within the vehicle? One, get the shit off the dashboard of the car that's in the way... you should have your ass smacked like a bongo drum in a heated voodoo ceremony for having put the shit there to begin with or: If you're blaming the design of the vehicle, you should still have your ass smacked to the tune of a Jello confectionery (you stupid fuck) because you still chose to buy the vehicle. [you did test drive the damn thing, didn't you?]

Or, last on the “I can't see the traffic lights” excuse crew bitches posse addendum, the “Striking a “Pose” in the drivers seat so that everybody can see just how big of a [here we go...] dick, dumb ass, dork, asshole, pud whack, moron, ass wipe, prison bitch, clown crier, turd tackling, gerbil chasing, fudge flaking, stool boy you really are moron.

NOTE TO AUTO ENGINEERS: Completely remove the reclining feature from the drivers side seat. Sure the customer wants it, but fuck'em. They can get into the passenger side and rest. Not to mention the fact aren't we (the US) having a problem with people falling asleep at the wheel anyway?

To these twit twats I offer the simplest of solutions. Sit-the-fuck-up! Trust me, I'll respect you. Honest, no bullshitting. I'm not talking saluting you or anything like that, but you'll get a lot more respect rather than disdain.  Sure as hell beats a definite single digit salute as you swerve at me and perpetuate bullshit racist innuendos of me, all the while maintaining your Hollywood stereotype that perpetuates “my” racist innuendo of you... Not exactly what the civil rights leaders had in mind back in the 60's.

Now, that I have 'seemingly' brought out a racist card, let me smack you in the mouth with this...

If you're reading this blog chances are you are quite literate, well read indeed. I would go so far as to say that your synapse is firing pretty well, that cancer hasn't taken over, that wine and song isn't in the forefront of your reading pleasure quite yet and that you chose not to use the aluminum Nooks back in the day. Then the next comment may fall onto deaf ears, but I would hope that courage may be it's message to you. Let these next lines spring from the page and for once, let my voice be an echoed one through your voices and in turn, be a voice of many...

Here we go...

Sidewalks are made for walking on!

There, I did it. Hopefully you folks out there said out loud. I know it was scary, but it needed saying. There are some ugly assed people out there that maybe one-on-one couldn't be told, but as a group, we can stand together and let our voices educate them.

You do know what I'm talking about, don't you?

I'm talking about these moronic fucks that have to walk right out in the middle of the fucking road in busy traffic when there are perfectly good sidewalks, safe of moving traffic to walk on!

Somewhere these dumb fucks heard that the law stipulates that pedestrians are always 'right' and always bear legal right of way. The only exception is when there is an attempt or successful suicide (by the pedestrian not the motorist.  To bad). Otherwise, I assume it's just like it was back when motorists first started out with horseless carriages. You know, the guy with the car had to disassemble his vehicle to a point where the horse was no longer scared; so once the horse passed, then the guy could put his car back together again.

I can only assume that this is a new form of legal lottery these asshole are gambling with and are just hoping that you hit their ass. I have never in my life so wanted legislation to pass a “Death Race” clause over night with a passionate lust. I mean seriously... I have never seen such a serious case of “momma didn't teach you shit!” in my entire life.

Never have I seen more disregard for painted safety lines for pedestrian walks, bicycle pathways/right-of-ways or simply “look where the fuck your going” common sense etiquette from the human race in the last 30 years; and I'm not 'that' old. Talk about somebody having “pissed in the gene pool”...

Oh... and if you want to jump on some 'racist' beating band wagon again after my last tirade, you can blow that out your ass too. I've seen EVERY decrepit representation of humanity jangle their meat cheeks down the black ribbon of every imaginably neighborhood imaginable. I don't care if it was Beverly Hills, Mayberry, Cabrini Green or backwater redneck two tooth-ville, there was an offending idiot to lumber the street like a post apocalyptic zombie looking to retire early wit-dat-check.  Moving on....

To the assholes that bother to see the red lights on the back of my car...

I don't know who read the drivers test to your illiterate ass when you took it at the licenses station, but you must have tossed a mean salad because they forgot to tell your stupid ass those lights on the back of my car means I'M STOPPING!!! Funny how you seem to be the same stupid fuck that can't get to the white line at a stop light, but you can sure as hell get within splitting an atom of my bumper when it comes to me braking. I really do refuse to believe they don't teach “safe distance” traveling in drivers education these days and I had a defensive drivers course in the military, so bullshit to that train of thought too.

I want to blame anti-locking brakes as being one of the #1 worst inventions of the twentieth century and probable cause of most accidents today as well. 

“He's full of shit again.” You may be saying and at face value, shallow as a puddle, you would be right; and that's why I brow beat most of the earlier would-be readers into not bothering to read.

Here's my argument. Anti-locking brakes... great in “panic only” situations. Like slides, dumb asses that don't know how to leave phones, texts, food and other situations alone while driving. Otherwise, “original” driving techniques (established long before ABS had been invented) should be used. Obviously, they're not.

Enter Little Bitches (if the show fits) that trust their breaks implicitly.  These individuals sail up at 45mph in a 35mph zone up to a stop sign that intersect continuous traffic. Little Bitch literally waits until the last possible moment, (continually accelerating) the 25 to 30 foot ABS zone that the brakes will still stop the car before slamming on the brakes. The on coming traffic “doesn't know this!”, the optical illusion of the "stopping" car appears to be that of a car either not being able to or is incapable of stopping; thus the continuous traffic veers into itself causing one or more accidents. Little Bitch goes “duh”, not realizing or caring that 'they' were the cause and simply goes about their merry little way.

I really wonder if the insurance carriers have this little statistic in their repertoire?

Same case against ABS, is the six inch rule in changing lanes within moving traffic. Seems Little Bitch also thinks that ABS will keep he/she alive at 90mph on the interstate and 4 feet off my bumper as well.

I'm getting really pissed off with this having a couple of car lengths between me and the guy ahead of me only to have Little Bitch swoop in and close that gap down to four inches. We're not even moving any faster for fuck's sake!

At time's like this I really would like to test the already bloated stupidity of our legal system...   Here's the challenge; get a carry permit & have a fire arm in my car. Hypothetical situation here;  let's say Little Bitch decides to pull the same stunt from above. That 'is' a major endangerment to my safety & well being, right? My family could be hurt, the damage to my car could in turn hurt someone else, I can't have that... so, I shoot out one of his tires on a long stretch of road. You know, away from endangered animals and endangered grasses & trees, spotted owls and that kind of shit, most certainly other people (can't have the Bleed Hips pissed here). For god's sake he tried to hurt me! Let's see them muddle over that one.

I mean fuck him...  He has ABS...  I have IBS...  We're all covered in something...

My point is, another technology made to be 'idiot proof' has once again made the 'perfect idiot'. To coin the proper phrase, “the more idiot proof you make the (choose the item or situation) the more creative the idiot”.

You can't tell me that insurance companies haven't incurred a huge spike in the reports of rear end collisions since the mass introduction of ABS multiplied by Little Bitches with cell phones?

And yet this shit not only sets itself up for another blog, it just writes itself... Folks... 3LD, I really can't make this shit up...

1 comment:

  1. My Dad told me the 'right-of-way" rule about crossing the street. You can be right or you can be dead right. Some of these dumb fuckers seem to just dare you to nail them with your bumper and if you get to close to them, your the asshole not the guy that ran full speed in front of you to get a soda. The other dickheads I hate are the ones that don't use their signals. I don't care if you cut me off, well, yeah I do, but goddamn it at least give me a clue you are going to squeeze your 15 ft. car into the 13 ft. space in front of me.