Saturday, April 23, 2011

Sensational Motorcycle Driving Baby!!!

Is this 'really a subject worthy of notoriety? Should I be 'acting out' on it to 'quite' the degree that I’m going to be bitching? Most will say no & leave it at that... Problem is... I’m going to bitch anyway...

I grew up when there was really only three TV stations to watch.

Purists can take a back seat to my nut sack if you think I'm going to recognize PBS all that much. I enjoyed Dr. Who, the Goodies, Monty Python and a few of the other classic programs, but that's the problem... there was only 'some' other classic programming. In my area there were endless seppuku fund raising drives to keep their fucking stations afloat.  The damn station was run by the local university to begin with... [how the hell do you get away with that?]  “For $19K you can be an 'acquaintance' of PBS and get this commemorative beer coaster with today's date penciled on the back...”

I could fucking vomit... Not to mention the fact there were individuals in this depleted economical area I grew up in that actually 'had' that kind of scratch to piss away like that! That's another story...

As I Was Saying... the major three were all you could get, unless your folks sprung for cable and all that really got you were a possible 3 extra channels. Two channels from a metropolitan city 150 miles away and one additional PBS station.

This being established, strait forward advertising for programming was just that – strait forward. The program that was to be broadcast at such-n-such a date would contain -pluh-.

Meaning - when you tuned in and watched your program, damsel in distress, detective would figure it out, save the damsel, catch the bad guy (or bad guy would get away if it were a nemesis), thus the 'sensationalism' advertised would be just that. NOT like what it is today...

Rant Alert - - -  Now I try REALLY hard not to play what I call the “semantics game”. I touched on this concept in Russell's Rules and my loathing for it's process, but to quickly recap... it's constantly played by those people in positions of power. These individuals most often have boat loads of money, but not always an abundance of education. Where this technique/game comes into the best offensive use is when time is on the offender's side.

Here is a “typical” example used by the military... enlisted officers (NCOs) are not allowed to carry out any punishment for dereliction of duties, poor performance, or plain fucking up by a soldier's actions. That is done by an officer and is then ordered to be carried out by an NCO (unless the “punishment” is forfeiture of money or rank). For an NCO to take action on their own initiative (which they HAVE to do on occasion, officers don't want a paper trail for these more minor offenses), it's called “remedial training”.

Literally semantics.

So, those last two paragraphs being said, I'll probably leave the next couple feeling as smooth as alligator hide.

Where I'm going with this tirade is my observation of the current misuse of “sensationalism”... but not in the sense of blowing something out of proportion. Although that is just as infuriating, I think that someone in the ethics department has been beating just the right amount of shit out of the journalism students and might have gotten a handle on 'some' of those infractions; at least for a while. I think they just need to stop showing the same story repeatedly until we believe it to be of impossible importance.

Making it boring and then hammering us with it every waking moment on the '5' is just asking to have your balls caved in.

No, the sensationalism I'm referring to is the bullshit they are calling 'reality' TV for one and then the second POS pre-broadcast of 'some' established mainstream franchises.

I “guess” the ignorant fucks who produce these shows simply won't trust the guys that do this for a living (you know, the ones that put film through the cameras, light the sets... those guys); they can't simply bank on human nature to tune in (to the 'reality' stuff anyway) to the human folly shit that they have to fabricate utter fantastical sugar glazed, maple sweetened bullshit in their ads to get people to tune in when the events depicted – never fucking happen.

Now, I don't know about you, but if I go on TV advertising something; tell everybody & that I have a bunch of it. You bet your sweet ass I better have it, otherwise I'd better have some rain checks for the merchandise that wasn't on the shelf. Granted, this differs from state to state & applicable laws apply and maybe there is a town by town thing as well, but you get the point. Don't make a fucking promise, shake your ass and then don't deliver. People will get pissed!

Otherwise you might wake up the next morning with your asshole absolutely roaring with absurd, tear blazing pain, stuck strait in the air, bare as a jay bird, out in an open corn field for god and the whole world to see next to the highway. At least that's how smart assed cops from the big city used to be treated when they got too preachy about the red necks not 'towing the line' in that depleted economical area I was talking about...

Anyway, it didn't do a damn bit for the TV show to insinuate that Rasputin was going to tear his nuts off making that left hand turn into Chip Fuck Falls. When in fact, the actual aired show shows Rasputin accidentally missing his kickstand, laughing and clumsily laying his bike down in the parking lot & then doing a halfhearted combat roll out of his fuck up.

If I were an advertiser I would have been pissed at the notion that I was funding a nut tearing show! What the fuck goes through these bean counters heads? I'll tell you, the same shit that makes them think that they need to do the same shit for established franchised TV shows as well!

Let's take the old 1979, Buck Rogers TV series for example. These asshole producers today would take this 'sure-shot', everybody's going to tune in anyway show and throw this sensationalism ad formula promo at it anyway. Fine, maybe not “sure-shot”, but damnit, “I” tuned in... breasts were still real... blinking lights... stay with the program damnit!!!

Getting back to sensationalism for the twenty first century... the 70's being a time of expounding, these freshly plucked scrotums would probably take a chance at new territory and risk making the audience “think” the storyline would be Wilma was a rape victim or maybe a guest starring of Gary Coleman would be a hint at pedophilia or better yet we'll have Dr. Goodfellow be a victim of some kind of diabolical crime against the elderly. You know, a mix of the whole rape, theft, beating then corpse desecration...  which of course, still being the 70's and asshole money chodes, the show would never have aired.

Come on people, these fucking producers have attention spans moderately longer than that of a a gnat's which is shorter than that of the 10 second spots they're making for commercials these days. This way these stupid dicks “think” they're being creative, they've sold the show and can move on to fucking up somebody else's future.

Never mind the fact that you can't use the same add later for re-runs.  Viewing folks obviously don't stand in line for a steaming plate of bullshit. So your producer of 'today' just fucked your 'tomorrow' producer because you now have to re-spend money on making adds for shows that should have already been made, fuck you very much... Like to see how that gets packaged now. Seeing as they don't have conventions rallied around packaging large selections of previously broadcast TV shows anymore.

Now it's 'click here', 'show your ass', 'grunt', 'put credit card number here', 'click here'... 'tune to this satellite coordinate' & 'we'll debit your account for as much as we please'.

OK, maybe the last couple of paragraphs is taking a bit of artistic license. There is always a bit of 'wash' that goes with putting a rerun into your particular local venue, so using the original syndicated voice over might play into your area's needs, but it would have been nice.

Speaking in regards of the national circuit, the fact that there are only about three (four tops) cable providers (US), they pay for all the re-run rights anyway, so there isn't room for a bunch of brouhaha over my moaning over post-production producing bitching.

“Then what are you bitching for Russ!!”

“B” is for “bitching” and it's good enough for me, that's just for starters. It's for 'blog' too, so the sentencing goes...

Sensationalism! Taking something that doesn't doesn't deserve the attention and giving it just that. Some would go as far as to say “me”. And judging from the number of viewers of this blog, I would say that nightmare is coming true...

Taking a piss ant flame & making it seem like a volcano explosion in comparison. I would love to have convinced every big tittied women I've met that I have a 14 inch monster in my trousers & that I can lick my eye brows too, but it won't make the truth any harder to bear. [the rest of you giggling fuckers can stare at the truth in your own hands right now...]

Changing the parameters in which the technique is used does not make it “right”.

Try this... You kill an animal to feed your family. Feeding your family is the right thing; it's survival, right? The act of killing is considered morally wrong. Ethically/morally, starving your family is wrong; the lesser of the 'evils' prevailed, the animal died and your family survives. It's OK, it's the circle. But “killing” didn't turn into “cuddling” either.

I know I'm stretching the shit out of this to make a point, but both semantics & sensationalism along with the mix of strong, stupid, politically active, religious radical people today? We really are fucked!


  1. PBS= For the low, low price of $28,000 you get this ancient key chain from a nondescript, defunct car dealership with one side covered in masking tape and a hotel room number scrawled in pencil.

    If you go to the hotel and allow for full anal breaching by our *ahem* "Sales Manager" [don't worry about the cowboy boots filled full of Vaseline- that's for somebody else] you'll be in our records as "An acquaintance of your mother's roommate from college".

    Fuck PBS.


  2. I'll have to have an "all point bulletin" out on PBS and those in academia at a later date... let's just say for now that I share a possible sentiment here for the moment.