Apple Computers... They simply suck.

Actually it's not necessarily the computers themselves that I can't stand. Oh, the thought of all that programming bloat overkill for the benefit of user friendliness getting in the way of actual processing headroom tends to be a bit much; conversely, a wildly popular OS being the target for every dickless entity trying to bring it down with a few lines of code so he can giggle in mommy's basement covered in a 3 day old, 6 layer crusted over coat of his own spooge while seeking no other worldly notoriety is equally aggravating.

So what's the problem? Let me count the ways...

Soft, round and helpless as Steve Jobs looks, the man is a power tripping, peter stretching, screeching child who's still loose on the playground driving the lunch room staff nuts in an attempt to 'make' the other children do what 'he' wants them to do. Basically, he wants everyone to follow his rules to the letter of his law and no other.

So, Steve, as acting director of Radical Problem Solving Department, here's your solution... Take a small chunk of that free & clear cash you've got lodged in that tight ass of yours and buy a comfortable sized island. Furnish it to your liking and then populate it with all the ass kissing populace that will 'yes' you into a terminal hard-on of your dreams. Those that don't tow the line or make the cut, Reality TV & boot their scrawny ass off. Problem solved.

Stevie Boo Boo also has a problem with the hardware issues of his machinery too. He doesn't OWN the inner workings of the damn things. Fucker NEVER did. He has used off the shelf shit JUST LIKE everybody else. That doesn't mean that he hasn't gone and consigned designers to reformat hardware to conform to unconventional cases or containers, thus making it so you had to buy “his” version of the hardware. Meaning, take an off the shelf motherboard, bend it into the shape of a dog licking his balls, patent the hell out of that shape, pay pennies for an artist to put a box around the fucking thing, charge “fuck you” money for the 'privilege' to own said 'on of a kind' dog-peter festival computer.

Not being a bed buddy to the man I couldn't tell you 100% how it is that you can't 'just' run the Apple OS on your machine, but I do know that there is an architecture specific language that have to be met. Thus Steve can “mandate” that only one piece/set of hardware be made so that only one set of code/instructions be written so that only one piece of code becomes “perfect” and thus gives the consumer the illusion of a superior product is actually being produced. [round & round we go]

Yet it doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that if you want to put a better video card in your Apple the card maker had better have his shit together, because Stevie ain't gonna help. Now that's not to say Billy's boys aren't going to be chomping at the bit either, but Billy ain't so tight with his code that he doesn't he doesn't slide it over to the card makers and let them have a go at it either.

Steve also wants all his stuff to look the same. It's not good enough that he's got the damned glowing apple with the bite missing out of it (which is already a hint that he's taken a bite out of your food), but it has to look like the same damn thing you bought 15 years ago. Fuck that.

I've got 2 computers in my house. One looks like the Terminator... well, actually flat black and sleek with all kinds of lights & businesslike. The other... It looks like the Terminator shot the shit right out of it! Matter of fact, it's what I'm typing this blog out on. I've got the damn thing spread out over three quarters of the top of my desk (this ain't no Wally-world POS either). That's the beauty of an IBM clone (to use the vernacular of an old scholar), you don't have to be roped to the confines of a whiny designer who had two computers for you that year (would you like design “yes or design “no”). Which leads me to the biggest problem with the whole thing despised by those not into Apple... which I believe is displaced and should have been a loathing for Steve Jobs instead.

Upgrade choices. For the longest time (not real sure these days, although I fear it's still the same) most upgrades on Apples (originally Macs) were slightly more memory and “no”. The IBM formatted machines still seem to be a “skies the limit” format. Which is, yes, an equal pain in the ass, but also a grandiose blessing in disguise... PCs could be as simple as a couple sticks of memory, the CPU, a video card, motherboard, sound card or a any combination of a myriad of things limited by what you wanted or your particular monetary confines are at the moment.

Case in point. Steve wants the ability to retire on each sale, of each device he sells and on each title of software that passes under the barcode scanner in the Apple store. Fuck him!!!

WARNING – WARNING – NERD SPEAK - One fucking Apple computer... that sits in the floor. That has a quad core processor, 3 Gigs of ram (that doesn't float my nuts [which is a trick, cause I got big nuts]), 1 terabyte HDD and a really good video card (we're gonna give them this one).... Ready... a chest opening, claw hammer to the nuts, nostril raping $2500!

That's no kiss. No movie. No dinner. No lube. I didn't even get to take a deep breath. All I got on that one was the bleeding. All you get with this bitch is the OS and the freebie shit that is built into the OS... No monitor. Hell, I don't even think I saw a keyboard or mouse either. Damn.... $2500...

I'll write another blog on”market based pricing” and that sham that surrounds its definition later, but Apple marketers telling you that they'll pay for shipping is no consolation whatsoever. I believe that cost will be covered by either the ever so racist “slow boat from China” shipping method or the “punk ass minimum wage college twerp” from one of the the closest college campus' that continues to squeeze profits from the lazy to learn, instant gratification formatted coeds and faculty.

If Apple's doing you such a favor, I'd like to know how much they're saving you? That being the case, I'll spend the few bucks to go traverse the basement hallways into the basement of the communications building and stare into the glassy eyes of the stoner fuck who's keeps trying to convince me that he was attached to a combat unit while in Iraq as a photo journalist. Yet he can't tell me who the unit was? He had their picture right sitting behind himself on a shelf, that he supposedly took, but didn't know the platoon! Fucking bitch... anyway... Stevie nor Billy were combat photographers either...

So in contrast, I went to Dell's website. For the record, I don't really like Dell. At all... really. But I went poking around to see how hard I'd get fucked there. Cause, that's what I would expect when I go there. I'm a PC guy. I've seen the commercials.

First button I hit is the $1600 button. I mean, the fisrt option Apple gave me was the $2500 suppository, so I took the $1600 one from Dell... I am trying to keep things fair here. RIGHT out the fucking bucket I get a computer with almost three times the memory, the same HDD space and the same video card. So I went customizing... why? One, cause Steve is an asshole * & won't let you or doesn't think you're capable of changing the dynamics of his machinery and two, cause, it's an Alienware... *[sorry I broke Russell's Rule *] The Customizations included: Let's see, MUCH bigger processor, maximum 16GB of ram (allowable by law), 2TB HDD (same as Apple), 2 video cards BETTER than that offered by Apple and my FULL HD monitor; that ought to do it

Oh, well... shit... $2550...  $50 over budget.  Not to mention I'll probably feel another alien 'something' (probe probably) around my ass when it comes to shipping, but let's see what we really have here.

Wouldn't you know it... that's with an included mouse, keyboard, surround sound audio, monitor, enough memory that if you know how to 'nerd out' you can run the entire operating system from ramm, a bluray “burner”, DUAL video cards: the machine stomps the shit out of the Apple equivalent. Mechanically.

It seems to me that Steve is behind the whole hate/love obstruction over why there hasn't been a bigger sales revenue into the Apple market. Personally, I just won't buy an Apple. It's over priced,.bloat and I won't do it. Take that $500/$600 iPud and knock it down to $179; a bunch of those apps down to about $10 to $15 apiece, then we'll talk. Touch technology is great too; till you scratch the piss out of the screen and god fucking forbid if the battery dies out on one of these Apple devices...

Repairs (Apple products in general) on one of these damn things is so cost prohibitive that (can you say S T E V E ?) it really is better to just go and purchase another new device.  A PC interfaced device usually runs from replaceable batteries or is so easily backed up (your media) to the computer that replacing the device isn't near the hassle, leaving you to wonder about all that "user friendly" interface.  Plus, are you giving anything up (private info) with all that, with or without your knowledge and to what degree?

There's a REASON I won't buy an APPLE computer. Equally so, that's why they don't build WINDOWS computers. Just cause it's got a “Name” on it, doesn't mean it's “worth” the price.

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****In keeping with my own sense of “fair play“, I have in deed called Steve Jobs several unsavory names. One could say 'hurtful'. Yes, I did this in a public forum and on the world stage. And at the time of this writing, given the head count, I'm not exactly shaking in my boots at the number of minds that I will contorting... I just don't see a throng of children wading in pools of chosen Jello, with printouts of this blog, chanting some hidden mantra they found between the lines...

Good fucking lord! If Steve himself wants to take out a couple of full pages in the Wall Street Journal and write something heinous in retort about this blog (which given his monetary stature and 'world' clout, I don't really see him giving me the time of day much less a sentence about a fucking potty-mouthed blog) to the tone of my love lust with equestrians, then have a fucking go at it.

Does this mean I am on Bill Gates dick washing crew? Perish the thought... I don't know who gave this chode the fucking idea that $150 for a fucking OS was a good idea, but that clan needs their peckers stapled to their foreheads too. Not that it's his fault directly, but he started the dominoes falling, so I scream 'guilt by association'.

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In a nutshell... It's all Greed again. Eventually these fuck-tards are going to learn that when you make it available to 3 people as apposed to only .005 people, you really will make more money. But they went to the school of assholes. Don't worry guys, I'll get to you in the next couple of blogs...